i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the room spins SO much faster in panama
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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