Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
