I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
