i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
