My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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