I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
