I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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