If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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