Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
