went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
