Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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