so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
