where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
