i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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