He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
