i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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