there's paper in my vomit.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
