I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
