The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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