think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
