your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
