Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
