I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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