Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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