we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
