I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
