Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
