he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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