He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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