She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
