drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
