i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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