Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
