Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
