If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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