Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
