im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
