I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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