I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
His nipple licking is glorious
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