I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
