Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
