So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
