It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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