New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
sarcasm needs its own font
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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