I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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