Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
