I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
