i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
