Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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