WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i already hear my dad disowning me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
