It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
