He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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