addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
